


at world’s end

by tbk_day6



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, idk how else to tag this, not literally the end of the world, the one that got away, there has to be fluff somewhere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24924193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbk_day6/pseuds/tbk_day6
Summary: the world always seems to have its way of messing with her — things are always a little too late.he loved her when she couldn’tshe loved him when he didn’the said he’d watch the world end with her..but when her world came crumbling down,why was he on the other side?
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Original Female Character(s), Park Jaehyung | Jae/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i changed my mind and decided to maybe give it a go.

_ If the world was ending now, then what a shitty way is it to die.  _

I tried my hardest to keep a cool front, sitting there with the fakest smile as I watched them lovingly dote on each other.  


_Too much._

It was okay. 

I was okay. 

Until I wasn’t. 

It slowly touched my toes, dip after dip, daintily making its presence unknown until it suddenly washed over me and drowned me in an ocean of regret.

_ That could have been me.  _

But I wanted this. 

I rejected him in the first place. I told him to go find a love that fits him. A love that could reciprocate.  


Because I couldn’t. 

I didn’t. 

Until I did. 

Slowly, like a wave that touches the shore on a bright sunny day—you thought it wouldn’t reach you, then you’d realize you were already knee-deep.  


And it was all too much and all too late.

“Would you love me for the hell of it?”

I can still vividly remember you asking, it plays out in my head every night I regret. You were desperately holding onto me and I was too stubborn to let you. 

Maybe I was too proud I didn’t love you. You know, I wore it like a badge of honor—I didn’t fall... we were both on the ledge but you did and I didn’t.  


I won the game.

I won but it actually felt like the biggest loss I ever had. 

Cos I lost you. 

I guess deep down I was just too scared. 

When all I could be is me, and all you could be is you...

You were too much for me and I was just enough for you. 

You were a brimming cup and I was just an empty glass—pour me what you want but at the end of the day, I’d still be.. empty.

When you left that night, I hoped you’d come back and we’d both be sweeping off all the hurt under our beds. 

Maybe we could go back to that comfortable platonic friendship I believe we had. 

Maybe you’d believe me when I said we could just be the perfect friends forever—the one you promised to watch the world end with from the back of your car.

But you never did.

Until today.  


When you showed up holding a hand that wasn’t mine, staring lovingly at a girl that wasn’t me. 

So you just love until you get rejected, huh? 

It ends when you reach an impasse? 

How am I supposed to believe every word you said now? 

“If the world was ending you’d still come over, right?” I suddenly blurted out, remembering that promise you made me from years ago. 

You and your girl broke out of your little bubble and stared at me curiously, her smile was innocent and blank. And yours was fading.  


I smiled back at you, begging for an affirmation. 

_Please. _

“Right?”

Maybe my voice trembled a little. I hoped you'd notice. 

I was desperately holding on to that one promise, but you wouldn’t let me. 

I was met with your silence and that tiniest hint of a smile—the one worn by those who won. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing in first person is hard 😬


	2. Never Not

“I told you not to hit too hard!” I whizzed as I picked the shuttlecock up for the 5th time in a row. I threw it across the court towards him, annoyed that he’s taking this too seriously again.

“Com’on. Be a good sport, Sam.” He just laughed as he got ready to serve one more time.

“I don’t care. I’m not playing anymore. I’m tired.” I shouted before turning back and heading to the bench. I could feel his footsteps approaching as I drank from my water bottle.

He put his racket down beside me and ruffled my hair before snatching my bottle and drinking from it. I annoyingly slapped his hand away from me as I slumped on the bench. He took a seat beside him as he finished my water off.

“Sore loser,” he teased.

“Show-off,” I retorted.

“I can’t help it, you know. No matter how much I try to control it, my powerful strength just cannot be suppressed.” He laughed as he clenched his fists in front of him.

I looked at him ridiculously, trying to gauge if he was serious. Of course he wasn’t, but that smug look on his face somehow pisses me off. I softly palmed his face to wipe it off but he was quick to catch my hand and refused to let go.

“You promised to let me win this time.” I whined like a kid, not suiting for a nineteen year old. I did not agree to this on a supposedly lazy Sunday afternoon just so I could pick up all those damned feathered thingy.

“I did, didn’t I?” he muttered, his tone suddenly changed. He was still holding my hand but he was not looking at me anymore. He suddenly seemed lost in his thoughts as he stared at the people playing in the other court.

“Is something bothering you?” I asked. I knew him too well. He always speaks his thoughts so his silence could never not mean anything.

I heard him sigh, as if deliberating if he should tell or shrug it off. “They’re leaving.”

My forehead creased, “Who?”

“My parents.” He turned to me and smiled a little.

“What?” My eyes widened in surprise.

“They’re migrating to the US. But I’d be staying here until I graduate. My aunt’s family will be moving to our house and I’d be living with them.” He explained carefully.

“Why is it so sudden though?”

“It isn’t. We’ve been talking about it for the longest time. I just didn’t tell you.”

“Huh.” I pulled my hand again and this time he let me. “I tell you everything and you’ve been keeping secrets from me all these time?”

“I know you’d react like this. Don’t worry. I’m fine.” He soothed, taking my hand again.

Ever since we were younger, Jae has always been too fragile. Everyone’s always too protective of him, shelters him from everything that could hurt. Even my strict parents treat him ever so softly. That’s why I made it my life mission to treat him the opposite and make him see the ‘ _harshness of the real world’_. But of course, amidst all that, I actually worry about him too much. He knows that. That’s why we’ve been friends for so long.

He’s always been close to his mom and dad. I don’t know how he’s ever going to deal with this sudden change. I looked at him trying to figure out how he really is, but as usual, he’s still so good at masking his feelings. I squeezed his hand, not really knowing what to say. “I’m here?”

I felt him tighten his hold on me. He looked at me again and smiled. “I know. So let me win this time and I'll be fine.”

“Foul.” I scoffed as I pulled my hand and crossed my arms, glaring at him, silently calling out his bullshit.

“I’ll be fine,” he reassured. “Besides, remember Brian? He’ll be staying here with us now.” He had this mischievous glint in his eyes now. He knew how much I hated his cousin ever since we were kids.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” I rolled my eyes at him, now remembering all the bullying Brian did to me before. Like ruining my toys, drawing ugly monsters on my coloring book, pulling my hair! And yeah, taking Jae away from me. Whenever he’s here, he would always pull Jae into his room and shut the door on my face.

_“Girls are not allowed here,” he would always say with that annoying smirk._

“It’s supposed to make ME feel better.” Jae laughed when he saw my disgusted face. “Move on, Sam. It was years ago. We’re all grown-ups now.”

“You say that cos you were never on the receiving end of all his crazy antics. He is my trauma.”

“Right. He stole your first k—”

I cut him off by throwing him a shuttlecock. I never want to be reminded of that again. Ever. I made him vow never to talk about it again but he’s always use that against me.

“Just speaking the truth here.” He laughed seeing my annoyed face. “And you stole mine, too!”

“Shut it, Jae!”

“Until now, I don’t quite understand how all of those happened.” He scratched his chin as if thinking seriously. I just know he’s thinking about that incident again. He knew it will never fail to agitate me. “He kissed you and you kissed me to get back at him.”

I could feel the heat rising up my cheeks whenever I’m reminded of my stupidity when I was younger. “And yet you cried!” I said in my desperate attempt to win against him.

He chuckled and nodded, “And yet I cried. I wonder why. You’d always bully me to tears when we were younger.”

“And Brian would always protect you, it annoys me so much.”

“You just can’t win against him so you take it out on me. You know I’d always let you win.”

“Yeah, that’s why I love you.” I playfully winked at him but he just rolled his eyes at me. I sighed, “But I’m glad he’d be back for you. I’ve got nothing to worry about, I guess?”

He smiled and shook his head. “I still got you guys. It’s not the end of the world.”

“You don’t know that.” I answered cynically.

“Then we’ll be watching it end from the back of my car,” he declared.

“Yeah, get a car first.”

“Working on it.”

We laughed at how our conversation turned into this but somehow I got into thinking. I tried not to talk about it, knowing how he takes things too seriously but my mouth just gets ahead of my head sometimes. “Do you think we’d still be friends by then?”

“At world’s end?” He turned and looked at me, forehead creasing like I just something so ridiculous. “What kind of question is that, Sam?”

“It’s just… I’ve heard a lot of stories on how you just somehow lose friends as you grow older.”

“Not us,” he said without a doubt.

“You don’t know that,” I repeated.

“Nineteen years and yet you still doubt ‘us’,” he snorted, visibly getting offended.

“My point exactly. Nineteen years. We’re nowhere near halfway our lives. A lot of things can still happen. Life begins at forty or something, right? So we’re kinda not yet ‘living’.” I put up quotation marks in the air. I can’t seem to prove my point as he just shook his head, annoyed now. “It’s just.. we’ve always been confined in our own worlds, but take a step out and you’ll see a whole lot more.”

“I don’t understand why you’re always looking for an ending.”

I shifted my eyes to avoid his stare. “Because that’s just how it is. Things always end.” I said quietly.

“Not if you don’t let it,” he insisted.

“I’m just saying we should always be prepared so life don’t catch us off guard.” I stood up, ready to drop the conversation. My mind is taking a turn of its own to things I’d rather not think about. “Jae, don’t take this too seriously. It was just a what if, okay?”

He followed suit and forced me to face him—well, more like look up to him. He’s just too tall for me, I can never win in a standing argument _. Pun intended._

“How could this ever end? Tell me what not to do.” His eyes seemed scared, I felt so guilty for bringing this up. “Hypothetically.”

“Maybe when you choose Brian over me?” I tried to make light of the conversation by playfully punching his shoulder, pushing him to the side so I can finally walk away.

He caught my arm to stop me from leaving. I paused and tilted my head to look at him carefully, wondering why this seems to agitate him more than it should. He seemed to realize it as well as his face softened and his hold on my arm loosened up. He breathed a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that.. With everyone leaving, just the thought of losing this scares me so much. I know you don’t just say things. Your mind works in a ridiculously absurd way.”

“Wow, I’m offended.” I laughed before turning serious again. “I’m here. For as long as you’ll have me.” I said, trying to reassure him.

He finally broke out into a smile, “I’ll never not have you though.”


	3. Kiss and Cry

“Well, if it ain’t Sammy!” Brian exclaimed upon seeing me enter the café. Jae happily waved at me and offered me the seat beside him, which I gladly took.

“Hey,” I gave Brian the fakest smile I could muster, “You’re back.”

I heard Jae chuckle beside me while Brian just squirmed his eyebrows at me, grinning too widely.

“I see you’re still holding grudges. How many years has it been?” he said, picking his pizza up and taking a huge bite.

“Sam never forgets,” Jae sniggered, nudging my arm, urging me to eat. He has already ordered my usual in this café—lasagna and iced mocha. I reached for the fork and started picking on my food. _Why did I even agree to this?_

“Little Sammy is still mad at me,” he cooed like a baby, to which I just rolled my eyes to.

“Grow up, Brian. And stop calling me Sammy please.” I took a bite of my lasagna but it somehow leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I glared at him. He didn’t seem bothered. In fact, he’s enjoying this. But I won’t let him have that satisfaction of annoying me. If I could.

“’Sammy’ is cute. At least you have one thing in you that’s cute.”

  
“Stop it, Bri,” Jae chuckled when he noticed that I’m starting to get really annoyed now, gripping my fork a bit harder.

“I don’t really mind you not finding me cute,” I snapped.

Brian gave me an amused smile as he leaned on the table and rested his chin on his arm, eyeing me closer just when I was about to eat. “I’ve always found you cute though.”

I felt some sort of heat rise up my cheeks as I faked a cough and moved away, hitting Jae’s arm on the back of my seat.

Jae rubbed my shoulder softly and handed me a glass of water. “Brian,” he warned.

“You’re still the same, little blushing Sammy.”

“Guys, I don’t want to keep on referee-ing you two. Please. A truce?” Jae’s tone was pleading this time. Brian just lifted his hand as a sign of backing off, chuckling.

“I told you this is never gonna work, Jae.” I said.

“I just want you to be civil at least.”

“I am civil.” Brian said innocently.

I sneered at him in annoyance but I tried my hardest to keep it in. Jae needs us this time. His parents has just left and he wanted us to keep him company. I continued eating quietly as I listened to them talk about all sort of things.

“Jae, you know I have to go soon. I have to process my papers.” He glanced at his wristwatch before turning to me again, “You can have him all to yourself for now.”

“Thank you?” I said, full of sarcasm. But of course, he just grinned again.

“Let’s go somewhere after this?” Jae whispered softly against my ear.

I turned to him curiously but just replied with a non-committal “Sure.”

Brian suddenly cleared his throat and finished his drink before gathering his things up. He stood up abruptly with a serious face as if he got annoyed by something. “See you at home.”

“Yep.” Jae grunted as he waved him goodbye.

I just nodded at him but he ruffled my hair when he passed me by. “Hey!”

“See you around, Sammy!” he chuckled as he walked out of the door.

“How could you stand him?” I whined at Jae as soon as he was out.

“You know he’s only like that to you.”

“So annoying.”

“Now that I think about it, you’re only like that to him, too.” He remarked.

“Like what?”

“You easily get annoyed at his teasings. You’re usually very patient, aren’t you?”

I scoffed, “He just irks me so much. He keeps on pushing on my triggers.”

“Just ignore it, Sam. You know that’s just how he is.”

***

“Remember when you kissed me and I cried?” Jae’s voice broke me out of my reverie. I didn’t realize I was dozing off already while pretending to read in this quiet corner in the library—yes, his definition of somewhere is just here.

“No.” I answered curtly, refusing to go down the memory lane again.

“Come on.” He chuckled softly, nudging my arms.

“Why are you bringing this up again?!” I whispered back, flipping the same page over again. His head was resting on my shoulder as he reads a book resting on my lap. Ours has always been the clingy-touchy type of friendship that everyone always puts malice on. But I’m so used to that already. It’s something I’m actually proud of—proving people wrong.

“I just had a realization..”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I joked.

“You’d hear it anyway,” he retorted, but he suddenly got quiet, as if hesitating. He would always be like this, blurting things out then taking it back.

I turned to him with a creased forehead when the silence stretched out longer than it usually does. He had this brooding look he never wears. It was like the calm before a storm. “What’s wrong?”

“Have you ever.. given us a thought?”

“Of course,” I replied nonsensically, my fingers fidgeting with the corners of a page.

“You did?!” He raised his body up in surprise and turned to me.

I was taken aback by his sudden excitement that I had to do a double take, “I mean, what thoughts?”

His excitement died down almost immediately as he shook his head and smiled to himself, probably realizing how much of a dimwit I can be at times. He got quiet again before speaking, “Us. Is this really all that there is?”

This time, I think I got it right. But all I could do was to gape at him, at a loss for words. I closed my mouth and opened it again, but I really do not know what to say. I mean, of course, there were times when I thought of us that way, but the idea just doesn’t sink well with me so I dismiss it as soon as it comes.

Jae has always been a constant in my life and I don’t know how I could ever be without him. And how I could ever be with more of him. This.. has always been enough for me.

“I think I love you..” he whispered when I still didn’t answer, “more than I should.”

My heart was now beating so hard against my chest as it does when I watch a scary movie, or when my mom’s getting mad at me, or when I feel like I lost something. Or about to lose something. “Jae..”

“No?” A tinge of hurt is evident in his tone which he tried to mask with a soft chuckle.

I joined his futile efforts of making the conversation light, by letting out a forced laugh. “I mean, we’re _best_ friends.” I put emphasis on the word best as if it would make it any better.

“Even just a little bit? Just a tiny little bit?” He squinted his eye as he raised his hand to gesture an ok emoji, index finger and thumb not quite touching.

“We’re fine like this, aren’t we? We’re happy.”

“But we could be happier?”

“Or we could ruin it..”

“Ah. There goes the pessimist again.”

I heaved a deep sigh and repeated, “We’re friends, Jae.”

This time, he moved closer to me and before I knew it, his lips were on mine. I was too shocked to do anything—not that I really had the time to think about it, because it was over as soon as it started. I stared at him, mouth agape. But all I could do was scoff the awkwardness away.

He was staring at me, gauging my reaction, before he smiled again though it didn’t really quite reach his eyes. “Nothing?”

“I’m sorry..” I bit my lip, avoiding his eyes.

“Even just for the hell of it?” he whispered. “Would you love me for the hell of it?”

I might have heard a tiny quiver in his voice and I panicked. “I love you, Jae, but—”

“I get it,” he tried to reassure me, but his tone was resigned.

“There are a lot more girls out there who is better than me in all aspects… who fits you better… Let’s just.. stay like this, okay?” Words are coming out of my mouth without any thought cos I see him hurting and it was because of me, and I wanted to make it better but maybe I was just making it worse.

I desperately held his hand to make him see my point but he just shook his head, smiling.

“I guess it’s always gonna be like this, huh? Kiss and cry.”


	4. Lies

“Where is he?” I asked Brian when I saw him lounging lazily at Jae’s couch. He quickly glanced at me before turning his attention back to his phone.

“Out.”

I sighed as I sat on the seat across him. I have no one else to talk to about this, but this was the first time we’re alone in the same room without the constant bickering. “He’s still avoiding me, huh?”

“Of course.”

I fell quiet, my mind wandering off to the thousand ways I could do to patch things up with him. I haven’t seen him since that day. It’s already been a week.

“What should I do?” I murmured.

“Is that a rhetorical question or do you really want to talk this out with me?” Brian suddenly put his phone down and straightened up. He looked so serious, I didn’t know if I should take him seriously. But I guess I don’t really have a choice. It’s clear that he know what’s up—Jae tells him everything. I shrugged my shoulders and looked at him helplessly, begging for some sort of help.

“What should I do?” I asked him straight this time.

He sighed and looked me in the eye, “I think you’re the only one who can answer that. You know him better than I do.”

I scoffed and shook my head, “You think I’d ask you, of all people, if I know what to do?”

He let out a short chuckle as he picked his phone up again, dismissing me. Or so I thought. “Just give him some space,” he suddenly blurted out without looking at me. “Feelings fade at a distance.”

The way he said it kind of felt different—like he was hinting at something. But then again, I don’t think I know him enough to make assumptions. “You think so?”

He leaned back on the couch and regarded me again with a careful look. “Was there really _nothing_?”

I stared at him as I tried to find the right words to say. But I guess, there’s just no right words to explain everything.

“Jae has always loved you. I don’t believe you don’t know that.”

“We’re best friends, Brian. He’s practically my brother.” I defended weakly.

Brian smiled and shook his head, “Come on, Sammy. I know you’re not that naïve. Denial won’t make it go away.”

“I’m tired of people saying we can never be ‘just friends’.” I exasperatedly put out quotation marks in the air, to which he just laughed.

“You’ve always loved proving people wrong. But at what expense? Is it really worthit?”

I blinked as my mind wandered off to all the times I forcibly repressed whatever feelings Jae might or might not have stirred within me through the years. _It wasn’t intentional and I shouldn’t be malicious._ This has always been my mantra to keep myself from falling—deny and detour.

“What’s your point, Brian?” I tried to dodge his silent accusations.

He gazed straight at me this time before speaking. “My point is... I know you, Sam.. I know you, too.”

_Do you? Do you know how my heart skipped a beat with those words, too?_

***

**Jae.**

I texted him for the nth time as he won’t pick up my calls. I had enough of him ignoring me so I decided to wait for him at their front porch. I don’t think I could stand being in the same room as his cousin any longer. _Especially after those words._

**JAE!**

**I’m not leaving your porch until you talk to me.** I typed angrily, my patience running thin as I saw _Read_ beneath my message. I tapped my forehead with my phone, muttering profanities under my breath.

“Stop cursing me.”

I looked up immediately and saw him standing outside their gate, a tired smile on his face. I felt like tearing up seeing him again. I got up and approached him, racking my brain with the perfect words to say, but all I came up with was a fake “Welcome home.”

He smiled and ruffled my hair before heading inside and sitting on the spot where I was earlier. He tapped the space beside him, inviting me to sit. I carefully stepped towards him and sat down. There was an awkward silence as neither of us spoke for a while.

“Are you done ignoring me?” I asked hesitantly after a while. it shouldn’t be like this. We’ve always been comfortable around each other. I hate how feelings always ruin things.

“I wasn’t. I just got busy,” he lied, taking my hand, like the way he does when he knows he’s done something wrong. He kept his head down and played with my fingers.

I pulled my hand away and smacked his leg. “I’m not stupid, Jae.”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head as he caught my hand again. He got quiet again but I know he has something to say so I just waited.

“I was.. fixing.. my papers.”

I gripped his hand to stop him from playing with mine, suddenly feeling tense. I stared at him with all my questions left unasked yet I know he’d answer anyway.

“Sam. I’m following my parents abroad. Mom needs me,” he said without looking at me.

My breath hitched with his lies. I know he’s lying. I just know. But I also know better than to call him out on this. He hates lying and I’m sure he knows he’s not deceiving me. I felt his grip on me tighten as if begging me to let it go—to let him lie his way out.

Sometimes, you can only lie to save yourself when it gets too much.

“You said I won’t ever lose you,” I was trying so hard to hold back my tears.

“For as long as I’ll have you though,” he teased softly, still refusing to look at me, and all I could do was stare at him.

“This won’t end, right? Prove me wrong, Jae. Don’t let me win this time. You said—”

“You won’t lose me,” he finally lifted his head up and met my eyes, “I’d be back at world’s end.”


	5. Chase

“Seat taken?”

I heard someone ask me as I was busy writing my paper – should have finished this last night if I didn’t fall asleep at the wrong time. I grunted a “No.” without looking up. Without Jae, my constant seatmate in all my classes, every seat beside me is now untaken. Without Jae, all my homework would be done just minutes before it’s due.

It’s been weeks since he left with a promise of coming back when things are better… or worse, maybe? It’s been weeks of me missing him and questioning my life decisions. Perhaps I should have just accepted him? But I don’t believe that was all that there is to his leaving. It was too petty. It was too fast. Wasn’t it?

My thoughts were interrupted when someone placed a cup of iced coffee on my desk, beside my paper. I stared at the cup before looking up, startled to see Brian seating beside me now.

“Coffee?” he asked, an amused smile on his face as he casually leaned back on his seat.

“Why are you here?”

“I’m a student. Just like you.”

My forehead creased. We were already nearing the end of the semester, I don’t think our class would accept additional students at this point in time.

“Relax. I’m just sitting in cos I missed this class on my schedule.” He grinned at my reaction. “Why do you seem so bothered?”

I rolled my eyes at him and continued on my paper. “Just be quiet.”

“Sure.” He took his coffee—the same one he was giving me earlier, and sipped on it before putting it back on my desk.

I looked up to him again incredulously, scandalized by his actions.

“I was the one who paid for it,” he said innocently, answering my quiet question.

“I didn’t ask for it.”

“It’s really good.”

“Have it, then.”

“But you like it.”

I heaved a deep sigh, calming myself at his ridiculous reasonings. “Just.. I don’t want it.” I took the cup and handed it to him.

“I dOn’T wAnT iT.” He mimicked me, taking the coffee and sipping on it again. “Jae said this is your favorite. I think it’s my favorite now, too.”

“You could have just bought me a new one. Would have appreciated that.”

“Oh, this is yours. Supposedly.” He laughed. “Jae asked me to buy one for you. I told him I’d be in the same class today. He mentioned something about a homework you didn’t do?”

I blinked, giving him my full attention now. “You talked to him?” He hasn’t contacted me since he left. And I never initiated one cos I’m too scared he’d ignore me again.

He nodded, biting on the straw. “He’s doing fine there, Sammy. No need to worry,” he added when he noticed how my face fell with his answer.

I got back to my paper, hiding my face away from his scrutiny. “Good for him,” I murmured, before the professor entered the room and the class begun.

***

“You heading home?” he asked as soon as class ended.

“Yeah.” I packed my things hastily inside my bag, needing to get away.

“Need a ride?”

“You don’t have a ride.” I rolled my eyes at him as I stood up and walked my way out, him following me close.

“You hungry?”

“Nah.”

“Come on, Sammy. Let’s hang out first,” he whined when he ran out of excuses.

I paused and stared at him. “What is this about, Brian? Why are you suddenly pestering me?”

“’Pestering’? You’re too mean.”

I shook my head and continued walking down the hallway.

“We need to bond!” he exclaimed a bit louder, catching up with my steps. “Come on, I’ll buy you coffee.”

“We’re NOT friends, Brian,” I scoffed.

This time, he caught my arm forcing me to take a pause and give him my full attention. “We WERE friends before.”

“We were never—”

“I don’t really understand why you hate me so much.”

“Really? You don’t know?” I pulled my arm and continued walking.

“I don’t!” his voice was a bit louder but it sounded further. He might have stopped following me. “Is this still about that kiss?”

I stopped on my tracks and turned to him abruptly. “Shut up,” I hushed him exasperatedly before walking faster out the campus. Good thing there were not a lot of people out at this time.

“Is it?” I heard him again, but now he’s panting as he caught up to me. He suddenly put his arm around my shoulder and dragged me to the direction of our (Jae and mine’s) favorite café. “Force it is.”

“Hey!”

“Come on, let’s get to the bottom of this so we could move on. I promised Jae I’ll look after you.”

“What bottom?! And I’m not a kid. I don’t need looking after!” I stomped my feet trying to get away from him.

“You’re acting like one. This is exactly what Jae warned me about.” I heard him chuckle—more like felt—as he kept my head on his chest as we walked out.

I desperately pulled myself away from him, “Okay, okay! Just keep your distance.” I breathed a sigh, hastily fixing my disheveled hair. I tried straightening my shirt out as I picked up my bag that fell off my shoulder in my earlier struggle.

My breath hitched when I suddenly felt his finger touch my hair and tuck it behind my ear as soon as I looked up. “Missed this one,” he murmured, before walking again.

I absentmindedly stared at his back as I watched him walk away, willing my fluttering heart to calm down—only to start beating wildly again when he suddenly turned back and smiled at me.

“Stop running away. I have all the time in the world to chase after you."


	6. Seriously

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just having one of those “to complete or delete” moments. 💀 
> 
> and I couldn’t sleep.🥲

“You should get a pair of AirPods,” I blurted out when I saw him take out his trusty old wired earphones for the nth time.

I was on the library studying for a final exam when he suddenly slumped beside me and stretched out his arms on the table, as if ready to sleep. This isn’t something new. In fact, it has kind of been our routine in the past months—him dozing off to whatever music he likes listening to while I bury myself in a pile of handouts and textbooks. 

“Why?” He slowly slid his head on top of his armson the table as he looked at me.

“Look at your earphones. One pull from me and it will probably fall apart already,” I replied.

“Buy me new wired earphones then. I don’t like those cotton buds.”

I laughed, “You’re so old-fashioned. These really sound good, too. You should try it.” I showed him my AirPods case beside my book. 

“Nah, I’m good,” he said, closing his eyes as if to end the conversation.

I helplessly stared at his face as my heart skipped a beat. He looked so peaceful already I couldn’t help but smile. “Annoyingly handsome,” I whispered, confident he couldn’t hear me anyway.

Just then, he suddenly opened his eyes and looked at me directly like a mouse caught in his trap. I immediately averted my gaze, like the guilty loser that I was and pretended to busy myself with my readings.

I heard him chuckle as he straightened himself up, “I know I’m handsome. And do you really think I fall asleep that fast?”

He just had to rub it on my face. I reached for my AirPods to ignore him and try to save face but he suddenly put one of his earbuds on my right ear. I nearly had a heart attack as I looked at him, face inches away from me, the other half of the wire on his left ear. There was nothing playing. It was too quiet and all I can probably hear was my heart trying to get out of my chest. 

“W-what?”

“Yeah, wired ones are better,” he smirked. He slumped himself on the table again and faced me. “I don’t really play anything when I’m with you cos I really like listening to you studying. You talk to yourself a lot, if you must know.”

I shakily pulled it out of my ear and softly threw it back to him, much to his amusement. “That’s an effective way to study,  if you must know. ”

I tried to take out my AirPods again and played just some random songs to ignore him. He was still staring at me as I tried to focus on studying.

He took out one of my AirPods and put it on his ear without changing his position. We were quiet for a while as we both listened to some random song in my playlist before he decided to break the silence again.

“Do you still miss him?”

I looked at him, taken aback. It’s the first time in a while that Jae’s been brought up. “Of course,” I said honestly before going back to my readings. It was an automatic answer and it wasn’t the first time I was asked. It’s Jae. Of course I miss him. I always will.

“But I’m here..” he said softly.

My forehead creased as I turned to him again. This time though, he avoided my eyes. “I know, Bri. I see you.”

“Not enough, I guess..” he sulked.

I dropped the pen I was holding to fully give him my attention. Bri has been such a great presence in my life ever since Jae left. Honestly, I wouldn’t know how I would have gotten through without him. 

“Stop trying to replace Jae.”

He looked at me, a flash of pain in his eyes, which he immediately masked by turning his head to the other side.

“I’m not,” he said, taking the AirPod off his ear and putting his old ones back. This time I saw him press play on his phone, tuning me out.

I felt guilty as soon as I realized it came out wrong. “I didn’t mean it like that, Bri. Listen to me.” I playfully pulled his hair back softly to make him turn to me again.

“Ow! Stop!” He cringed as he caught my hand and didn’t let go.

“What I mean is, you’re you, Bri. You can just be you.”

His ears turned red as he let go of my hand and buried his face again on his arms, refusing to look at me. He fake-cleared his throat but didn’t really say anything after.

I thought the conversation was over already so I tried to focus again, trying to calm my crazy heartbeats. My cheeks felt warm as I hid behind my hair, pretending I didn’t say anything that sappy.

“I am me. But am I enough?” His voice was too quiet I might have not heard it if I wasn’t too aware of him.

“Are you really feeling insecure or are you just fishing for flatteries?” A lame attempt to lighten the mood.

“I’m serious, Sam.”

_Sam_.  I think this was the first time he called me that. And the way he’s looking at me now felt so.. sincere?

“Yes, Brian. You’re enough—too much at times, that I don’t think I deserve you at all.” I replied honestly.

He sighed. His lips slowly curved into a smile and chuckled a bit, “You deserve me.”

He just had to ruin it. 

“Wow, thank you.” I picked up the pen and threw it to his face. It landed with a soft thud on his forehead before he caught it.

“For real though, you just have to let me in. I’ll take care of the rest.”

“You sound like a creep,” I laughed.

“Yeahhh,” he crunched his nose and chuckled before his look turned tender, pleading, even, “But take me seriously.”  
  


He caught my hand and looked straight into my eyes. “Seriously, take me.”


	7. First

Brian did not even glance at me when I entered the passenger seat of the cab. He was in the shotgun, sulking, the driver trying hard to ignore the tension between us as he drove away.

“I’m sorry, okay?” I immediately tried to appease him, knowing fully well I was in the wrong. Brian didn’t respond and just ignored me for the rest of the trip. My shoulders sagged as I leaned back on my seat, letting him ignore me as I know very well I was in the wrong.

I got trapped in the convenience store in a gasoline station where I abruptly asked the taxi driver to drop me off, instead of our house. He was evidently drunk and recklessly driving under the pouring rain, I got scared for my safety so I just asked him to stop on the first safe place I saw. I didn’t know where I was and how I could go home. My phone’s at 3% battery and my reflexes seemed to have made me message Jae who’s obviously a thousand miles away. Realizing it a tad too late, I was unable to do anything else as I watched my phone completely shutdown. And I felt so bad that I wasn’t even surprised when Bri came to my rescue.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” I tried to talk to him again as soon as we reached my house. He took out an umbrella and helped me out even in his mad state. That’s when I noticed he’s wearing his comfy clothes and a wrong pair of slippers, his hair hastily combed back by his fingers I suppose. He must have been sleeping at home when he heard of my mishap.

“Dry yourself and get some rest.” He coldly said as soon as we were on the door.

“Come inside first?” I hesitated. This is probably the first time he got seriously mad at me.

He shook his head and turned to leave but I was quick to catch his arm.

“I’ll cook you ramyun..?”

He turned to look at me and softly shook his head, “Next time, Sam.”

_Sam._ Okay. It’s always been  Sammy  for him, and yes, I have always hated that pet name, but him calling me  Sam this time doesn’t feel right. 

“Bri.” I pleaded, tugging on his wet sleeves. 

He sighed, finally folding the umbrella and stepping in the porch, giving me a tired look. “You can call me first, you know? I’m here. All the time.”

“I know.. I’m sorry..” I felt guilty. It’s been a year since Jae left and for all those times, Bri was  here. He’s always made sure I’m okay, like Jae always would. Even though he didn’t have to. And I know, for the longest time we’d always get into the pettiest fights, but we somehow became friends in the middle of it all. He somehow became everything Jae was for me—except with Bri, I always felt like there was some line we’re bound to cross. If we haven’t already.

“He’s still the first person you think of even when I—“ he paused and rubbed his palm over his face in frustration. “I just wish you’d call me first. Especially when you’re—“ He suddenly pulled me in for a tight hug and whispered on my ear, “I was so scared.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I-It’s just.. my phone was dying so I just messaged whoever I can without really giving it that much thought,” I tried to explain as my face was muffled on his shirtsleeve.

“One year and I still couldn’t seep into your subconscious,” he murmured, but more to himself. 

I rubbed his arm around me, willing him to loosen his hold so we could talk properly. “Bri, it’s not like that.”

“Jae was so worried and panicking when he called me. Imagine my surprise when I woke up to that and I couldn’t contact you. I didn’t know where to find you. Or how to find you. I couldn’t fucking drive to save my life but I almost ransacked Jae’s car. You know what would have been my biggest regret if something happened to you? Not knowing how to drive a fucking car when I have lots of it at my disposal.” He scoffed as he pulled away. “Ridiculous.”

“It’s my fault. I’m just so stupid.”

“It is. You are,” he nodded with a disapproving look, but now with a ghost of a smile, “But that’s a first. You losing to me.”

“Savor it.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “But, thank you, really,” I sincerely said this time.

“Not forgiven. Unless we’ll go get driving lessons together.”

“Okay, bye.” I immediately fished my keys from my bag and turned away from him to open my door. I’m scared of driving. Jae tried to teach me before but my nerves would always get the best of me, and his patience would always run dry we’d always end up fighting instead.

He laughed this time, catching my hand, stopping me from opening the door. “I’m serious, Sammy.”

“Yeahhh, no. I hate driving. You know that.”

“I know, but this shouldn’t happen again. At least be there for me when I find ways to keep you safe.”

  
“I don’t need anyone to keep me safe.”

”Huh?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

I glared at him but I do owe him. “Okay. But just to accompany you!” I reiterated.

“Sure sure,” he smirked and winked at me before dropping a peck on my cheek. He opened his umbrella again and turned to leave. “See you tomorrow.”

I shook my head and watched him leave. Sometimes, I really cannot keep up with his mood swings. 

I went inside and immediately slumped myself on the couch, tired and relieved. I charged my phone and turned it on. As soon as it lighted up, Jae’s call came in.  _Right. Another earful._

“My goodness, Sam!” He shouted as soon as I answered, my ears hurt so I just put him on speaker mode as I lied down. “Are you home now?”

“Yes, Jae. Thank you and I’m sorry for worrying you.” I tried to appease him.

“What were you thinking? You—“

“Jaeeee. I’m safe now, okay? Calm down.” I interrupted him, feeling exhausted.

I heard him sigh on the phone before he got quiet that I had to check the phone to see if he was still on.

“Really. I’m okay now. Just tired.” I tried to reassure him.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there..” he said softly.

_Yeah._ We’ve been through this a lot of times already in the past year. We’re supposed to have gotten used to this setup. I have. I believe I have. Thanks to Bri.

I choked up as I remember all the times I’ve tried to hold myself together just because I no longer have him to break down to. _I’m sorry I wasn’t there_ was all it would ever end with. Until I finally listened to Bri’s _I’m here._ Until I finally let him in.  


“Don’t be. Bri’s here.”

He was quiet again before answering, “I really miss you..”

I just hummed in response, afraid my voice would crack if I try to answer again.

“It’s selfish but I’m glad you still think of me first, Sam.”

”I’m not. I hate it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 💀

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think 👀  
> twitter.com/__peaj


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